In mid-June my wife told me our marriage hadn’t worked out. Seven years; my second. Within days I had written a plan, bought a ticket, and moved my life to a village on Bali — because this was not my first collapse, and the previous ones taught me exactly what the first weeks are for.
This site is the record of that rebuilding, written while it happened and published from the other side of it.
It is not a motivational site. I won’t tell you everything happens for the best, and I won’t hand you five morning habits of resilient people. When a loss takes down something structural — a marriage, a person, the work your identity stood on — what helps is not encouragement. What helps is a clear view of how these situations actually work, and a method you can walk, one piece at a time, while it hurts. You’ll also notice I write very little about the pain itself — that’s deliberate.
That’s what I’ve tried to write. My view of how it works comes from nonduality, from decades of meditation, and from deep, disciplined psilocybin work — and from having lost large things more than once and rebuilt each time. Yours doesn’t have to match mine. Take what survives contact with your own experience; leave the rest.
If you’re new, read in this order:
The Plan — what happened, and the two rules of the first days: there is no way back, and change your context.
Applied Nonduality — the philosophical core: seeds, roles, and the meta-position. If you read only one essay, read this one.
The Maze, the Canvas, the Painter — why I chose trips over therapy.
Mushrooms and Mantras — the practice itself, and how the crisis stage ended.
Church and A Temple for the Body — the weekly and daily structures that held everything up: people in a good state, and a body kept in one.
If any of it lands, subscribe — new essays arrive as they’re written. And the comments are open: I read them.
Rebuilding Life 